The second half of this week, my body decided to completely rebel against the travel, wedding planning, and general, joyful craziness that has consumed the summer. I crashed. Hard. For the last two days, I’ve barely been able to crawl out of bed. The energy required for me to type these words is monumental. But in the moments when I can, it got me thinking.
As usual, the thoughts start with my list. All the things I need to get done. How I can’t afford to be sick. Usually, that leads “Type A” me to a spiral of frustration and emotional distress. I end up canceling plans, apologizing to my family, and feeling generally guilty because I “couldn’t do anything”.
I took a different approach yesterday. Instead, I looked up the definition of busy. Here’s what Merriam Webster had to say:
Definition of BUSY
1a: engaged in action : occupied b: being in use <found the telephone busy>
2: full of activity : bustling <a busy seaport>
3: foolishly or intrusively active : meddling
4: full of distracting detail <a busy design>
Hmm. Engaged in action. Yep, my body sure is, housing my out-of-control immune system. Full of activity? Pre-diagnosis, I did two half-marathons, and had far more energy after each one than I have now. Intrusively active is my favorite, because duh. Nothing about auto-immune diseases is non-intrusive. And let’s see. Full of distracting detail, as in a busy design. Like the worst floral, plaid, stripe combination in HISTORY, done on VELOUR.
These four definitions reminded me that I am also busy, even when I cannot move an inch. And I realized that it’s my job to remember all my body is dealing with, even when I feel to myself like I’m doing nothing. So the next time I don’t get to something, my reason should reflect that instead of unnecessary guilt or shame. I indeed got busy – just in my own way.
Now if you’ll excuse me…my tea, heating pads, and I are very busy this afternoon.